Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
