dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
