He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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