I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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