So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
