Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
