yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
