Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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