we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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