you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
