we need to drink 2009 down the drain
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
