I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
