i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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