she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize