wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
