I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
