Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
