Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
