Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
