I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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