guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize