i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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