Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize