I showed him my bush... on skype.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
