got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
