I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
