Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
