At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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