sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
