evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
