I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
