Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
