oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
