I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
