I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
