It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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