He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
