on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
