Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
