the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
