just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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