booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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