i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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