craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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