recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Can I color on your dick again?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize