So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
