This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
