I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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