She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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