I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
