I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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