I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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