I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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