Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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