You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
