we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
