I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize