make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
