I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
