New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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