Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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