I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize