Nicole vs. Life
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize