last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
