so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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