its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize