Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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