guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
