the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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