He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
