My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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