Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
