now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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