She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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