so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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