dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize