i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
