i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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