Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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