so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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